Giving a Pill

Mutant cat from Hell

Mutant cat from Hell


How to give a Cat a Pill

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.  Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cats mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand.  As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth.  Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.  Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand.  Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger.  Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.  Call spouse in from the garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees.  Hold front and rear paws.  Ignore low growls emitted by cat.  Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth.  Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail.   Get another pill from foil wrap.  Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains.  Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit.  Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans and drink one beer to take taste away.  Apply Band-Aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbour’s shed.  Get another pill.  Open another beer.  Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing.  Force mouth open with dessert spoon.  Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.  Drink beer.  Fetch bottle of scotch.  Pour shot, drink.  Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot.  Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect.  Toss back another shot.  Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire brigade to retrieve the cat from the top of the tree across the road.  Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.  Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Using heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed, tie the little !&#%’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table.  Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak.  Be rough about it.  Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch.  Get spouse to drive you to the hospital.  Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye.  Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Phone Vet to arrange two weeks of daily appointments for mutant cat from hell.

Dumb Dog

How to give a Dog a Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air.

3. Say “Good dog!”

Super Sweet Blogging Award

Yesterday I received the Super Sweet Blogging Award from my Adelaide twitter mate @WhatdoingDugal and was so very honoured. You can visit his site by clicking HERE.

My next task is to pass the pawsome award on to some twitter furiends who are also very SWEET.

@mariodacat has such an amusing and informative blog (click HERE)

@PuppyNumber7 his blog tell about their wonderful life in Queensland (click HERE)

@RumpyDog reading his blog is a daily part of my life (click HERE)

@piggusbiggus nobody should miss reading this amusing blog (click HERE)

@PepiSmartDog so genuine and such a furiend, exceptional blog (click HERE)

Thank you so much Dugal for passing on the Award. Furiends I do hope you go and visit the abovementioned blogs, xxx’s with love!

Thankful Thursday – The Volunteers

I’m not too bright about blog hops so click on the picture above to link back to @PepiSmartDog’s Blog – they don’t call him “smart” for nothing … and it is a fabulous idea!

I’m thankful for the 700 volunteers who keep things going at Melbourne’s Lort Smith Animal Hospital.

The Lort Smith Animal Hospital provides high quality veterinary care at a reduced cost for the pets of people in need as well as shelter services for injured, surrendered and abandoned pets that have no-one to care for them. A unique phenomenon: a hospital that is commited to both animal welfare and to social welfare.