The Gianormous Tom!

Big, scruffy and a WIMP!

One night last week, just as I’d settled for a wee nap with huMum, I heard a noise.  Head up, ears pricked, the hackles on the back of my neck already raised and my tail all floofed to triple its normal skinny size.  Somebody was in my courtyard garden!  In a tummy crouch I crawled into the living room so that my profile wouldn’t be seen through the big glass doors.  OMC he was huge; at least 21lbs of him! Ginger too and, I guess, a feral as his coat was all matted.  I zoomed at a million miles an hour back up the passage into the laundry and out my door.  I must have scared the sh*t out him as he took off into garage with me in hot pursuit.  We sped through the gap in the big door to the driveway. Then came the stand-off and the circling to see who had the biggest yowl.

Lights went on in huMum’s room and I imagined her running through the house as, in quick succession, the passage light then the living room light flashed on.  This made me brave so I pounced.  Yowls, howls and screams ensued!  “The tom” just shook me off like he would a pesky gnat; did I tell you he was gianormous?  All four legs akimbo I managed a strike to his nose as I sailed through the air.  Score ONE for Jessie! Dazed from my flight, I looked around.  He’d vanished! The front door opened and huMum arrived in her daggy fluoro-green flannelette pj’s and bed head (a sight that only should be viewed through sunglasses) and, to my chagrin, scooped me up into her protective arms.  I gave her the stiff paw treatment as I wanted to find “the tom” but she scurried back inside making unnecessary soothing noises.

Three hours later as dawn made its sleepy arrival I cautiously, tail down and pawtoeing, crept out to check the venue of the “great fight”.   Proudly I spotted speckles of blood on the path.  Eureka!!  I didn’t dream that my mighty claws had struck gold the previous night.  So I happily trotted back inside with tail held high like a flagpole to wake huMum with my good news.  Miaow, miaow MIAOOOOOOW hmm no reaction from the lump under the duvet.  I hopped up on our bed and tapped the nose sticking out and received a mumbled snort.  Tapped again and jumped quickly to other side of her head to evade tha hand which shot out to hit the place I’d previously been sitting.  Phase three of the daily “wake the huMum routine” was for me to take up the ‘staring position’ on her chest (which is perfectly flat as her boobs fall under her armpits when she’s on her back) and then purr directly in her face.  Result! I knew she’d only resist that for 5 minutes!

On our walk to the kitchen I told her all about the blood spots on the path and as she groggily slurped her first cup of coffee and I munched my Hills Prescription TD biscuits we pondered what to do if “the tom” returned.  I scratched my head in disappointment when huMum rejected my idea of burying a few land mines.  She reminded me that the neighbour’s brats often invade our space and she didn’t want to end up in jail for juvenile murder even though she agreed with me that their high-pitched screeches when riding their scooters up and down the driveway were worse than nails on a blackboard.

With no resolution to the problem we took up residence on the sofa and turned the TV on to watch the morning news.  Bored, I snuggle into huMum’s side and fell asleep dreaming of the featherweight championship belt being proudly draped over my back as I pranced around a boxing ring.

Day Two

At around 10:00pm the following night, I’d just hopped over the neighbour’s fence on my return journey to our garden when I sniffed the air?  He was back!  From deep within my chest I emitted a rumbling noise which, even to me, was frightening.  I had no idea I could make such a sound and created a diary note to myself to ponder it later.  I saw golden eyes flashing 5 yards away.  My rumble became a hiss and then a high-pitched yowl as fearlessly I moved towards “the tom”.  Huh?  Where did he go?  I was sure he’d been right in front of me just a second previously.  Shocked realisation dawned on me, “the tom” was a wimp and I’d scared him off. Strutting proudly inside I let huMum know just how lucky she was to have me to protect her and claimed my reward in scritches and supper.

Nap time, bye-bye for now!

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