I will start at 7:00am because that is usually when huMum stirs herself and makes breakfast. Cereal and milk for her and, as I’m on a special diet to increase my weight, I have an 85gm tin of Dine Desire tuna fillets & whole prawns in a seafood sauce! By the time huMum has watched the news, eaten her breakfast and drunk her pineapple juice I start miaowing for more food! It always works, but my bowl is only filled with a stingy ten Hill’s Prescription Diet Feline t/d treats. Ha you guessed it, Hills is way expensive and my huMum has Scottish blood running through her veins. Their t/d is good for my teeth and, judging from what the lady in the White Coat says, for a nine-year old my teeth are in remarkable condition. She hasn’t had to scrape them since huMum started giving me t/d four years ago. I’m not sure if it is available overseas but I would highly recommend it – good for you and scrumptious too!
By 8:00am you will find me in the middle of MY bed on MY blankie. If the day is sunny I will rise at noon, exit the house via my cat flap and take up residence in our courtyard garden under the lemon tree where its green leaves shield me from the ferocious summer sun. I have constructed an amazing hole in the dirt near the base of the trunk and filled it with dead leaves so it is both cool and comfie. Summertime in Australia can be wicked with temperatures to a maximum of 42C (108F) in the shade. On days like that I do tend to remain inside napping on the back of the sofa while the air-conditioner blasts me with cool air.
Afternoons are usually spent keeping huMum company when she is on the computer. I sit on the back of her chair and, over her shoulder, I watch every keystroke especially if she is using MY twitter account. I cannot allow her to give away my secrets or tell too many rude jokes. We have made so many wonderful friends including a baby pygmy hippo, a baby elephant, a tortoise, a wallaby plus numerous cats and dogs. @toughteddybear is my #bestie furiend on Twitter and we get up to so much mischief! Teddy’s beautiful fiance is @LilyLuWhoT and he is devoted to her. My dear furiends @PuppyNumber7 and @Keely_Bobs allow me, @TigerBoyTheCat and @PinballBob to live in their summer-house but heaven forbid if they call us their “pets”! I am Nanny to Thomas and Keely’s wee puppy #ourWinnie, also *whispers* I have a big crush on @kingtuttifruiti *ear blushes* – he is such a gentleman and so handsome. Even with all these furiends I sometimes feel lonely being in Australia when so many of them live in the USA, UK, Europe and South Africa. Then again, you would have to drag me caterwauling with all claws firmly planted in the carpet to get me to leave my forever home. If huMum is doing accounts or her graphics work I’ll retire to the top of MY printer and curl in a ball for another nap.
On the days huMum goes shopping in her little silver Honda Jazz she has to be careful I haven’t concealed myself behind the driver’s seat. Often I have shocked the pants off her when I’ve jumped up to sun bake and pose under the rear window! I love it when the people in passing cars point and wave to me – I’m a Princess Panther!
Dinner is served at 6:00pm, although I do start to complain at 5:00pm and often mention to huMum that she is starving me! This time I have an 85gm tin of Fancy Feast Royale tuna banquet with whole prawns! Over the years we have tried everything from fresh meat to fish heads but I’ve determined that these two brands are my favourites and I’m not keen on change. Please don’t get me wrong, I do like the food I regularly steal from huMum’s plate when she is not being vigilant. There are special treats I adore like ham, bacon, chicken and my most favourite Babybel cheese! HuMum swears that I can hear her opening a Babybel from our neighbour’s garden! Within seconds I am wrapping my body around her legs before she even has a chance to remove the cellophane from the red wax casing!
After dinner and vigorously performing my ablutions it is time for another nap, usually back on MY bed and on MY blankie! I must admit I have to expend a lot of energy washing my head and chest. HuMum constantly teases me saying, “Jessie you are the messiest eater I have ever met.” Maybe I need a bib? No that would be so embarrassing!
I rise at 8:00pm just as the sun is setting, do my stretching exercises and a two or three one-hundred yard sprints through the house, check that my bowl really is empty, test miaow on the off-chance that supper might be served early; then I’m out the door.
My stairs to the roof provide me with the ideal vantage point to check out the neighbourhood. I steer well clear of screaming children, dogs and motor vehicles. I can travel over two houses in any one of three directions without putting paw ground. Along the way I greet my hoodies, check the neighbour’s mulch bin for signs of mice and ensure that there are no strange cats in my territory. The one thing that will always attract me back to ground level is the song of the cicadas. I can sit beside a cicada hole in the garden for hours completely mesmerised by their carolling. I have never seen one even though on a few occasions I have tried to assist them to escape their homes. Another insect that has me bemused is the huge bogong moths that hang around outdoor lighting. Now these guys are prehistoric in both size and appearance and are as dumb as a doornail. A cat just has to sit with mouth open under a light and eventually they will provide you with a meal. Being a well fed cat that love’s her huMum very much I just take them home as a gift. At times I find her reactions to my gifts very insulting. She either screams and locks me outside or grabs my beautiful present out of my mouth and scurries outside to free it! If I’ve squeezed my prize too hard it is buried in the rubbish bin!
After my first neighbourhood patrol I return home for supper, which normally is a Babybel followed by more t/d to clean my teeth. If I’m in a generous mood I will cuddle up to huMum and watch TV but only if it is sport or a good British police or spy series. I’m not a lap cat but I do like wrapping my front paws over huMum’s shoulder and pressing my body flat against her chest. By 11:00pm you will find us curled up in bed. I day-dream while she reads with my favourite position being back to back as I fit into the curve of her spine perfectly!
The next patrol usually occurs when huMum’s snoring wakes me and I need to get some peace and quiet. Again I revisit the mulch bin and sit for an hour or so waiting for a mouse to poke its nose out. Patience like mine is often rewarded but of late, with all our rain, if fear they have drowned?
Bored, I slink back home at 5:00 am to play with my toys. HuMum tends to throw them around the house. So I have to collect them all together and then take each one to MY bed which I allow huMum to share at night. This takes a few minutes as each toy is special to me and requires attention, usually a bite or a double whammy back kick. I have an ulterior motive for all this activity. Yes, you guessed it; I am hoping huMum will wake early. If unsuccessful I give into my need for another nap. Next thing I know it is 7:00am and a new day has arrived. How exciting, more places to explore and adventures to experience!
HuMum’s fingers are tired from all this typing so I’ll finish by saying:
Nap time, bye-bye for now!